Bite Your Lip&Fake It.

I know it’s silly for this to be crossing my mind now. But I try not to care what people think about me, and yet it never works. I’m not bitchy or horrible or anything of that sort if you think I am. To be honest, through whatever happened, I was still concerned with how you may have felt about the situation or how you probably didn’t want to be involved and just what you might have been going through in general that had nothing to do with it. Even if I didn’t show that. The concern was still there. I always care way too much about others. I’m always here to listen to anyone and try and point out the positives for them. I have a weird way of going about things though. Sometimes it makes things worse, and it’s unfortunate but it’s how I am. Sometimes I don’t think, sometimes I think too much. I drive myself crazy and I guess it shows. It’s probably stupid for me to wish things could go back to normal, we could still kiss hello and you could still talk to me casually or about a problem the few times that you did, because I never minded listening or trying to help to the best of my ability. I always thought you had a great sense of humor and were a fun person to be around. It was the situation, it was never you. Part of me wanted to blame you or dislike you for what I thought you were doing, then I came to the realization that I was probably just being dumb. Clearly it took too long for me to come to that realization or a lot of this could have been avoided. There would never be any reason to say anything mean or nasty toward you if that’s what you think I’ve been doing. I can only blame myself for anything that happened even though one person after another would tell me I didn’t do anything wrong. But really neither did you. I almost wish you would read this, and know it’s toward you and that I was sorry for acting out against you. I know it wouldn’t change anything. But I’d just like to know that you don’t think I’m someone I’m not. Anyone who did read this for whatever reason would probably wonder why I’d take the time to write this. I guess I feel comfortable venting as long as I press that little read more button, I tend to think no one ever really clicks that, because who would really care enough. As much as I’d like you to read just some parts of this, it’s also just for me and the fact I’m just trying to clear my head.